Girl, What's Your WOTY?

“INTENTIONAL
in·ten·tion·al
/inˈten(t)SH(ə)n(ə)l/
adjective
1. done on purpose; deliberate.”

Intentional was my 2019 Word of the Year.  I was striving to be intentional in my relationships, my marriage, with my children, my faith, finding my passion and purpose…. all the things.  So, how did I do?  After reflecting back on 2019, I have self-rated myself as an 8.5.  How would I have rated these areas of my life without having a Word of the Year?  Probably like a 2…and that’s being gracious.

Everyone talks about creating New Year’s Resolutions and while I am not downplaying the importance of resolutions (although, New Year’s GOALS far outweigh the benefits of resolutions, in my opinion, but that’s another topic all together…) we need to be talking more about the importance of setting your intent for the year.  Cue your Word of the Year aka WOTY.  Your WOTY is your theme of the year and, if incorporated appropriately, will guide your decision – making, create positive movement towards your goals, and help streamline different areas of your life.   

Reflecting back on 2019, the following were a few examples of how my WOTY, Intentional, helped my decision – making, created positive movement towards my goals and streamlined areas of my life.

Decision–Making:

My life purpose from a career perspective.  I knew that I wanted to transition into something more fulfilling, but what?  After taking careful consideration and being intentional about the things that filled my bucket, I realized that Life Coaching and helping women fulfill their purpose was my passion. I could have very easily been promoted in my current job or transitioned to a “better” job at another company, but nothing about that would have been intentional. I couldn’t have been intentional if I had stayed in my comfort zone.  From there, everything I did was done deliberately, from selecting the institution in which I would earn my Life Coaching credentials, to defining my niche, to the Let’s Get It Girl brand and practice.

Created Positive Movement Toward My Goals:

One of my SMART goals for 2019 was to become more involved in my church community through volunteer roles by September.  The church that I attend is very large and there are literally hundreds of ways to get involved. I very easily could have thrown a dart at a dart board to pick one or two, but that didn’t seem very intentional.  Instead, I thought of opportunities that would be most fulfilling to me and most beneficial for the church.  I intentionally chose the following two opportunities:

a.    Section Leader – I am a super extrovert (shocking, I know) and love, love, love talking to people, so this was a perfect role for me.  In a nutshell, I arrive to church early, pray over my section, talk with people as they come in and stay after the service to answer questions.  Pretty great, right?  Well, starting this year, in 2020, I have been asked to be a Section Leader Coach, which is awesome. Pretty sure, the intentional selection of that one worked out well.

b.    Sisterhood – now, this may seem on the surface level that this would be a no-brainer, literally because my coaching practice is called, Let’s Get It Girl, and working with women is one of my passions. Yes, that was a big bonus, but there were so many other intentional reasons that I chose Sisterhood.  Community, relationships, growing in my faith, etc. were among some of them.  By the end of 2019, I was asked to lead a few Sisterhood events, in which I was so humbled and so grateful for.  Another great win, thanks to my Word of the Year.

Streamlining Different Areas of My Life:

I felt in many ways that the relationships I had with people were very willy-nilly; I had a hard time understanding why I was saying “yes” to certain friendships.  This was one of the biggest ways that my WOTY came into play – I truly feel that because I sat down and really thought intentionally about the friendships and people that I was sharing my time with I was able to really decipher which relationships made the most sense for me.  A few intentional – focused questions that helped with this included:

a.    What value am I bringing to this relationship and vice versa?

b.    Is this a relationship that I want to pursue or am I just saying “yes?”

c.     Does this relationship benefit not only me, but my husband/family and vice versa?

d.    If we just met, would this be someone that I would naturally hang with?

Through this process, I was able to identify the relationships that really made sense and now, I have a really strong circle with room to grow! Setting the intention for 2020 could mean a make it or break it year for you; how nice would it be to have a little extra support during your decision – making processes, positive movement in your goals and assistance in streamlining areas of your life? 

So, what’s my 2020 Word of the Year? Roots.

“Roots
/ro͞ots/
noun
1. the part of a plant which attaches it to the ground or to a support,
typically underground, conveying water and nourishment to
the rest of the plant via numerous branches and fibers.
2. the basic cause, source, or origin of something.

verb
1. cause (a plant or cutting) to grow roots.
2. establish deeply and firmly.”

In 2020, my WOTY theme will carry me as I prepare to become:

1.     Rooted in my faith

2.     Rooted in my family

3.     Rooted in my physical health

4.     Rooted in Let’s Get It Girl

What if you intentionally spent some time rooted in pursing your 2020 Word of the Year? 

Just a thought…

YOU ARE

I was volunteering at my daughter’s school last week and while I was waiting for them to come back from their “special area,” I was sitting outside of the front office when I noticed this poster. I had to squat down to take this picture, because it is perfectly situated to be eye-level with the sweet, tiny humans that enter this classroom every day. I was immediately overjoyed when I saw this because I am a huge fan of life-giving words.

What makes this extra special though, is the fact that the children reading this poster probably believe these words, at least for the time that they are in there. Words are so powerful and so is intentional encouragement. Words have the power to teach, give hope and strengthen others.

Mamas – are we speaking life-giving words over our children, regularly? Where can we make more time in our day to do so?

ME: You are SMART, you are STRONG, you are KIND, you are BRAVE and you are BEAUTIFUL.

ME + ELYSON: You are SMART, you are STRONG, you are KIND, you are BRAVE and you are BEAUTIFUL and I LOVE YOU.

For the past several years, I have intentionally made time to say this every night with Elyson before she goes to bed and I have started this with Emmett recently as well. It’s important to me that my children hear these words every single day right before they fall asleep. Life-giving words, positive self-talk, words of encouragement and feelings of grace and love forms and transforms a child’s heart.

Sure, it’s easier (and equally important) to share life-giving words in the morning before you send them off to school for 7 hours or at night before you put them to bed, but life-giving words do not come easily to me when disciplining my children. Sometimes I see red, sometimes I feel like I am turning into the hulk, most of the time, I yell.

“Positive” discipline seemed so far out of my realm, I almost believed it was an oxymoron. I realized though, that even in the times where I felt green and 10 feet tall, I could stop and think about a different way to address my miniature maniacs. Here are a few examples of life-speaking phrases to try out with your kiddos:

1. If your child lies to you: In this house, we don’t lie. You are a truth teller.

2. If your children are fighting with one another and are using words out of anger: You have kind hearts and you use your words to speak kindness and love to your brother/sister. You are a kind person.

3. If sharing is an issue: In this house, we have sharing hearts. You share happily with others.

4. If you have a Sassy McSasserton: The (insert your family’s last name) family is respectful. You are a respectful child and we love one another.

5. If your child is acting ungrateful (like everyday, right?!): We are so fortunate to have everything we need. You are a grateful and content child.

Listen, I get it. You’re probably like, “Ok, Melissa, like that will ever work…you don’t know my kids.” But I do. I have your kids too, except their mine. Here’s the deal – it’s hard to even think about life-giving words in the midst of a meltdown. I highly recommend that you wait until the meltdown is over, otherwise you’ll be talking (or screaming) your life-giving words to a brick wall. But kids are like sponges. Talk to them calmly once the heightened moment has passed. They’ll hear you. They’ll remember that they are truth-tellers, a kind person, a happy sharer, a respectful and content child and eventually – here’s the kicker – they’ll believe it and start living it out.

Our children have all sorts of things spoken into their lives every day, but are they always what we want them to hear or believe? What if you took 3 minutes before school in the morning or before bed at night to speak life-giving words over your children? What if you kept some life-giving words in your back pocket to use when your kids are misbehaving? What if you took an additional 3 minutes to speak life-giving words over yourself?

Just a thought…

“Confidence is not: They will like me. Confidence is: I’ll be fine if they don’t.”

– Entity

SELF COMPASSION

“Once women find sisterhood, there’s nothing stronger.”

— Zoe Kravitz

We hear a lot about self-care and the importance of self-care. Do, I think self-care is important? Absolutely. But, I think it goes deeper then self-care. I don’t think we can practice self-care until we practice self-compassion.

There are many different branches that come off of the self-compassion tree, but the one I want to focus on today is: Community vs. Isolation.

I just want to be by myself. Sometimes I feel like that and sometimes you probably feel like that and that’s ok. Sometimes is ok – all the time is not. Isolation can become dangerous very quickly and is usually associated with low self-esteem and/or depression. We are meant to be with others – humans are designed to be a part of a community.

One of the reasons that Let’s Get It Girl was created, is because I am a firm believer in the power of community and wanted to create a space where a strong sisterhood could come alive. My Let It Go Girl classes and Let’s Go Girl retreats are meant to be just that. A place where women can come, in any season of life, in any mood, any outfit, literally just. as. you. are. No judgement and no cliques, a 100% safe space for women to do life together – learning + growing + having fun along the way.

As humans, we have a need to belong and want to have a feeling of association, but that can be difficult sometimes, due to limiting beliefs. I wanted to address a few of those today:

1. I would encourage you to look inward and spend some time analyzing your thoughts. You may be surprised by how strong your inner critic can be – don’t believe everything you think. If you don’t have kind thoughts about yourself, then you’re going to have a tough time living a fulfilling life. Life hack #1 – if your inner dialogue is anything other than supportive, encouraging or loving, acknowledge the unkindness and change course. There are several ways to do this – tell yourself something positive, maybe it’s how well you handled a situation or something you are grateful for or how gorgeous you feel in those new red heels.

2. OMG. Stop comparing yourself to others. We’re like snowflakes - no two are alike. Snowflakes don’t compare themselves to others and neither should you. You have permission to compare yourself to one person – you. I promise that “Becky with the good hair” has bad hair days too. Life hack #2 - Whomever you compare yourself to, try to be a little realistic…no one lives a picture-perfect life, no matter what they say, do or post.

3. You don’t need approval from anyone, so don’t live your life the way you think others want you to. Doing so is like trying to eat a lemon without scrunching your face. It doesn’t work. Which leads me to…

4. Be intentional with your relationships. There is no time for toxic relationships, so ditch those real quick and don’t feel bad about it – they’ll move on and so will you. Instead, surround yourself with those that love, support and encourage you. Those are your people. Life hack #3 – If you’re having a tough time figuring out if you should end a relationship, ask yourself this question: “Do they make me feel amazing?” If the answer is no, your answer is yes.

5. Step outside of your comfort zone! It’s ok (and great!) to try something new. Be a part of something that you are passionate about – you will be so glad (and proud) that you did! I promise, no one will bite…unless you’re joining an alligator wrestling group, then I take that back…it could happen. Life hack #4 – if you are nervous about joining a group, grab a gal pal and go together! If it’s awesome, you’ll talk about it forever and if it’s not awesome, you’ll laugh about it forever – either way, it’s a win-win! My point is, you don’t have to do it alone!

6. Be patient. It’s ok if it takes a few tries to find a group or community that works for you, but when you find it, you’ll be grateful that you didn’t give up.

7. Have fun! Embrace, engage and enjoy that beautiful life of yours – you have so much to offer others – get out there, girl!

What if you could grab a little more self-compassion from the community branch and what if you found an awesome sisterhood of women and it changed your life?

Just a thought…

“She remembered who she was and the game changed.”

– Lalah Deliah

SOMEDAY, ONEDAY

“I see it, I like it. I want it, I got it.”

Oh, those super relatable words of Ariana Grande…  

I wouldn’t classify myself as a Someday Oneday girl - I am totally into creating goals and crushing them, finding my passion and pursing it and intentionally living my life. Let’s be real though, that’s not always how it goes. I do give myself an “A for effort” though and I think that’s what counts. When I see, like and want something, it’s important that I work hard to get it.  Just to clarify though, I am not necessarily talking about materialist things as the song lyrics imply…although a Porsche would be nice…just saying. 

I had some pretty hefty goals for 2019 and knew that I was going to have to work hard and put in a lot of work to achieve them - otherwise, they would all end up by the Someday Oneday wayside.  For example, one of my goals this year was a HUGE career change.  Here was my goal: Quit (my director level job, with a company that I have been with for almost a decade, making pretty decent money) to pursue my passion of Life Coaching (and building a community of awesome women) by June 2019.  Not an easy goal, let me tell you. But, I did it.

Would you classify yourself as a Someday Oneday girl?  Your lyrics are more along the lines of “I see it, I like it.  I want it, (insert huge pause – like 10 beats huge)…Someday Oneday.” Girl, someday is not a day of the week and hence whatever it is that you see, like and want, stays at just that. 

Do you know what you’re missing?  A compelling vision. You may see, like and want things but what’s the motivation behind what you see, like and want?  What’s the motivation behind the goals that you set for yourself or the passions that you want to pursue?  

What’s in your way?

Maybe you are encountering a few blocks. “I could never have that/do that.” “I’m not good enough.” “I don’t have enough money.” “I am way to scared to make that happen.” “I’m too busy.”  Sounds like a classic case of the Someday Onedays to me.  

Don’t let yourself or anyone else get in the way of what you see, like and want. You can get it.

What if you could create a picture of your ultimate dreams, desires and goals along with what impels you to achieve them?  You could stay connected with your passions, renew your enthusiasm, stay motivated and committed and find strength and courage to move through those blocks. Wouldn’t Today be better than Someday, Oneday?

Just a thought…

“The comeback is always stronger then the setback.”

MY WAR CRY

“You’re the sanity when war breaks out in me.”

I am a woman of faith and this is one of my favorite worship song lyrics, for so many reasons. So many crazy, scary, exciting and challenging things have happened in my life this year and I have used this War Cry So. Many. Times.

What is your go-to reaction when things get overwhelming in your life? Do you retreat into isolation? Do you cry? Do you get angry and lose your temper? Do you run away? Do you hold your head high and face it with confidence? I know for me, depending on the situation and season of my life, I have utilized all of the above at one time or another. I also know that slowly and surely, this War Cry has now become my go-to reaction.  

There are so many circumstances in which I use my War Cry; one practical use? With my kids. Moms – this parenting hack is for you.  As a mother of two tiny humans, I totally understand the chaos of running a household. I mean, seriously, how many times do we have to tell our children to use their manners, to stop fighting, hitting, biting, licking, (insert additional absurd behaviors here) with one another, that it’s not ok to put food (or anything) in your nose and if I trip over you one more time because you can’t be anywhere except under my feet, I am literally going to lose it. Sound familiar? I’ve noticed that by having a go-to War Cry (because let’s face it, stress certainly feels like an internal war) has been life-changing. Instead of losing it, I immediately stop what I’m doing, let the feeling pass and declare this War Cry over my life. Whether you want to cry or keep your head held high, it’s so helpful to have a go-to mantra to get you through whatever you’re facing. What if you could find your War Cry? What if, that when a sense of overwhelm is approaching, whether it’s with your kids or your job or your partner or your life in general, you could immediately stop what you’re doing and declare it over your life, in your head or out loud. Preferably out loud; it’s fun to freak your kids out sometimes.  

Just a thought…

“The only difference between stumbling blocks and stepping stones is how you use them.”

– Entity

FROM PAIN TO CHANGE

“No one ever changes until the pain level gets high enough.”

I read this the other day and thought, “Ugh, that’s such a depressing, (but kind of true) statement!” Why do we do this? Why do we continue to carry things that are not healthy and do not bring us joy? Do we not deserve better? Why do we wait until we finally reach a breaking point to then and only then make a change? 

Maybe it’s our consistent weight gain or a relationship that isn’t super awesome or the number of times we say “yes” to people on a daily basis. Then we get a scary diagnosis from the Dr. and have to change our eating habits or our kids are being affected by the constant fighting in our marriages and we have to do something about the toxic relationship or we physically and emotionally just Cannot. Say. Yes. To. One. More. Person. It’s when the pain level reaches “intolerable” - and it’s only then - that we are forced to change.  

The irony in all of this is that when we do make those forced changes, it’s usually such a feeling of freedom and reclamation. We are then asking ourselves, “Why didn’t I do this years ago?” We don’t ever learn from our mistakes though, nor do we give ourselves enough grace in these types of situations…cue vicious cycle. 

But. What if, instead of living in unhappiness and waiting until we’ve reached heartbreak to make a change, we loved ourselves forward? What if we proactively started to notice what “norms” are in our lives and then regularly spent time weeding out the negatives and replacing them with positives?

What if we caught our unhealthy eating habits early and changed our diet? What if we noticed that we’ve been arguing with our partner more than usual and sat down to talk through our challenges? What if we prioritized our time a little better in advance and were more intentional with the “yeses” that we were giving out?  Do we value ourselves enough to sit and recognize the good, bad and ugly in our routines and do something about it? If we don’t, we should, because we deserve happiness. We deserve to be healthy, both physically and emotionally. Don’t wait until your pain level is unbearable to make changes in your life, love yourself forward.  

Just a thought…